Know the Laws:
UPDATED June 21, 2012
Dating violence (or relationship abuse) is a pattern of controlling behavior that someone uses against a girlfriend or boyfriend. Please visit www.loveisrespect.org or www.thatsnotcool.com for more information.
- General info for teens
- I think I am being abused. What should I do?
- Helping a friend
- Legal information on teen dating violence
- Finding help
I think I am being abused. What should I do?
back to topChecklist: Am I being abused?
Many people don't recognize that they are in an abusive relationship. They don't realize how they have gradually changed because of the abuse.
Are you a victim of dating violence? Answer the questions below. If you answer yes to even one of them, you may be in an abusive relationship, or your relationship is likely to become abusive. Abuse isn't just hitting. It's yelling, threatening, name-calling, saying things like, "I'll kill myself if you leave me," obsessive phone calling, emailing, IMing or texting, and extreme possessiveness.
Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Act jealous or possessive?
- Put you down or criticize you?
- Try to control where you go, what you wear or what you do?
- Text or IM you excessively?
- Blame you for the hurtful things they say and do?
- Threaten to kill or hurt you or themselves if you leave them?
- Try to stop you from seeing or talking to friends and family?
- Try to force you to have sex before you're ready? (SEE SEXUAL COERCION page – that we haven’t written yet…)
- Do they hit, slap, push or kick you?*
back to topWhat might happen to me if I'm in an abusive relationship?
Possible effects of being in an abusive relationship include:
- loss of appetite
- headaches
- nervousness
- weight loss
- bruises or broken bones
- sadness
- self-blame
- confusion
- anxiety
- guilt
- shame
- mistrust of self
- mistrust of others
- depression
- fear
- feelings of worthlessness
- terror
- permanent injury
- death
- suicide
back to topHow can I find help on when I should talk to an adult?
Talking about relationships problems is never easy, especially when you're talking to an adult. It's normal to want to solve your problems on your own. It's normal not to want to get anyone in trouble, or betray a friend's confidence.
Sometimes, however, there are problems too big to handle without help, and it can be a big relief to involve a trusted adult. The advocates at loveisrespect.org can help you figure out when you should talk to an adult, who you should talk to, and what to say.
back to topHow do I end the relationship?
Unfortunately, leaving an abusive relationship does not mean that the danger has ended. Visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/breaking-up/ to find help with how to break up and end a relationship safely.
back to topMy boyfriend/girlfriend is writing mean things on my Facebook or MySpace profile. What should I do?
With the popularity of Facebook and MySpace, many people have profiles and use these social networking sites to stay connected to friends, post pictures and share information. If you are in an abusive relationship, your abuser may be using your Facebook or MySpace profile in harmful ways against you. They may be stalking you (see Cyber Stalking page on WomensLaw.org), or going into your account (if they know your password) and sending messages from it as if they were you, or writing mean or harmful things on your “wall”. They may also be spreading pictures or hurtful comments about you to others by using Facebook or MySpace. It may be a good idea to deactivate your account for awhile until you feel safe again, but if you plan on staying on Facebook or MySpace then here are some tips:
- If your abuser knows your password, think about changing it
- You can block anyone from seeing your profile, finding you through the search engine or interacting with your profile in any way, by doing the following:
1. Go to Settings
2. Click "Manage" on the Privacy option
3. Type the name of the person you want to block in the field
Note: This is not permanent, so if you change your mind later you can "unblock" someone.
- If your abuser created a MySpace or Facebook account pretending to be you this is identity theft and it is a crime. You local law enforcement should be able to help you. You can also contact the administrator of the site and ask them to remove the profile. Report them on Myspace here or contact Facebook at abuse@facebook.com.